Social Media for Co-Parents: Guidelines for Parents and the Impact on Children

In today’s digital world, social media is an integral part of many people's daily lives. For co-parents, social media can provide a useful means of communication, a way to share information, or simply stay connected in the midst of busy schedules. However, while social media has its advantages, it also brings with it potential risks—especially when it comes to children. The impact of social media on children’s mental health, emotional development, and family dynamics is a growing concern, and it’s important for co-parents to approach its use with caution.

This article explores the guidelines for co-parents using social media in a healthy and responsible way and outlines the potential harmful effects social media can have on children. By following these guidelines, co-parents can protect their child’s well-being while navigating the digital age.

Guidelines for Co-Parents Using Social Media

While social media can be a helpful tool for communication and shared parenting tasks, it’s essential that co-parents maintain boundaries, respect privacy, and use social media in a way that supports the child’s best interests. Here are some key guidelines for co-parents to consider when using social media.

1. Keep Communication Private and Professional

When it comes to communication, co-parents should use social media platforms only for practical purposes, such as scheduling updates, sending reminders, or sharing child-related information. Avoid discussing personal matters, conflicts, or emotional issues related to the co-parenting relationship publicly or in private messages on social media.

• Best Practice: Use private messaging apps or co-parenting communication tools (like Our Family Wizard or 2Houses) for any critical discussions. If an issue requires deeper attention or is more complex, consider arranging a face-to-face meeting or using email or a professional mediator to avoid misinterpretations.

2. Respect Boundaries and Privacy

Social media is public, even when posts are marked as private or limited to friends. Posting photos, videos, or updates about your child can raise questions about their privacy and consent. Co-parents should have a mutual understanding about what is acceptable to share and what is not, always respecting the child’s autonomy and privacy.

• Best Practice: Agree on what types of content are appropriate to post about your child. If both parents are not in agreement about sharing a particular photo or event, avoid posting it. Remember that children may grow older and feel uncomfortable with certain content being shared without their consent.

3. Monitor the Content Shared About Your Child

While it's natural for parents to want to share milestones, celebrations, or happy moments, it's important to be mindful of what is being posted. Sharing information that could negatively impact the child’s emotional well-being or subject them to unnecessary attention can be harmful.

• Best Practice: Avoid posting anything that could expose your child to judgment, bullying, or unnecessary stress. If you're posting about shared holidays or events, be mindful of how the posts may affect the child or the other parent. Always ask for mutual consent before sharing anything significant.

4. Avoid Public Arguments or Negative Comments

One of the most significant risks of social media in co-parenting is the temptation to air grievances or frustrations publicly. Arguments or negative posts about your co-parent can create additional conflict, undermine co-parenting efforts, and may have a long-lasting impact on your child’s emotional development.

• Best Practice: Never engage in a public argument about your co-parenting relationship or your child’s other parent. Keep your posts respectful and free of negativity. If issues arise, resolve them privately through conversation or legal channels rather than turning to social media as an outlet.

5. Set a Good Example for Your Child

Children are keen observers and often learn how to navigate the world by watching their parents. As a co-parent, your online behavior should reflect the values you want to instill in your child. By modeling respectful and responsible behavior online, you set a positive example for them to follow.

• Best Practice: Practice digital etiquette. Be mindful of how you engage online, as your child may one day see your posts, photos, and comments. Encourage them to use social media responsibly and be a role model by following the same rules you set for them.

The Harmful Effects of Social Media on Children

While social media can be a useful tool for staying connected, it poses significant risks for children and adolescents. Co-parents must be aware of the potential negative effects social media can have on their child’s development and emotional health. Here are a few key risks to consider:

1. Mental Health Concerns

Studies have shown that excessive social media use can contribute to anxiety, depression, and loneliness in children and teenagers. The pressure to conform to unrealistic standards of beauty, success, or popularity, often perpetuated on social media platforms, can lead to low self-esteem and body image issues.

• Resource: According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, research has linked social media to negative mental health outcomes in children, particularly when children spend too much time online or engage with content that promotes harmful body image ideals.
• Resource: The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness is a 2024 book by Jonathan Haidt which argues that the spread of smartphones, social media and overprotective parenting have led to a "rewiring" of childhood and a rise in mental illness. Haidt argues that the combination of the decline of play-based childhoods, exacerbated by what he describes as overprotective parents, and increasing smartphone use has been harmful to children since the late 2000s. In an interview during the WSJ's Future of Everything Festival, he advocates banning smartphones in schools. This book is a Savvy Co-Parenting Must Read! For more Must Read suggestions, check out the Must Reads on this page!

2. Cyberbullying and Online Harassment

Children and teenagers are often vulnerable to cyberbullying, a serious problem that has become more prevalent with the rise of social media. Cyberbullying can cause emotional trauma, isolation, and a host of other psychological issues.

• Resource: The National Crime Prevention Council reports that about 43% of children have experienced some form of online bullying. Parents should be aware of their child’s online interactions and monitor for signs of cyberbullying.

3. Privacy and Safety Concerns

Children may not fully understand the risks associated with sharing personal information online. They may unknowingly share too much information about their location, friends, or personal interests, which can put them at risk of exploitation or inappropriate contact.

• Resource: The Cyberbullying Research Center recommends that parents and co-parents work together to teach children about online safety. This includes ensuring that privacy settings are properly configured on all social media platforms and monitoring their digital activity for any signs of risky behavior.

4. Addiction and Distraction

Social media can become addictive, especially when children or teenagers use it for extended periods. Spending too much time on social media can interfere with real-world activities like schoolwork, physical exercise, and family time, which can negatively affect overall well-being and development.

• Resource: The American Psychological Association suggests that excessive social media use can be linked to reduced academic performance and social withdrawal. Parents should set limits on screen time and encourage alternative, healthier activities like outdoor play or family bonding.

5. Unhealthy Comparisons

Social media often presents a curated, idealized version of people's lives, leading children to compare themselves to others and feel inadequate or left out. These comparisons can foster feelings of jealousy, low self-worth, and pressure to meet unrealistic standards.

• Resource: Research from Pew Research Center shows that young people who engage in social media are often exposed to filtered content that reinforces unrealistic portrayals of others' lives, leading to unhealthy comparisons and emotional distress.

How Co-Parents Can Support Their Child’s Digital Well-Being

As co-parents, it’s crucial to work together to ensure that your child’s social media usage is both safe and healthy. Here are some actionable steps to protect your child from the harmful effects of social media:

• Establish Guidelines Together: Co-parents should discuss and set clear guidelines about social media use. This includes agreeing on acceptable platforms, time limits, and appropriate content.
• Educate Your Child: Teach your child about the potential dangers of social media, including cyberbullying, privacy risks, and the importance of self-care. Encourage them to come to you if they experience anything troubling online.
• Monitor Usage: Both parents should work together to monitor the child’s social media activity. Using parental controls and apps that track online usage can help ensure that your child is engaging with social media safely.
• Model Positive Behavior: Co-parents should set a good example by being responsible digital citizens themselves. By showing respect for privacy, maintaining healthy online boundaries, and avoiding negativity, you help model the kind of behavior you want to see in your child.

Conclusion: Protecting Your Child’s Digital Well-Being

While social media can offer benefits such as staying connected, it’s crucial for co-parents to understand the potential risks associated with it. By following these guidelines for responsible social media use and being proactive in monitoring your child’s online activity, you can protect your child from the harmful effects of social media. Above all, co-parents should prioritize open communication and mutual support when it comes to ensuring their child’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being in the digital world.